Shit My Dad Says
āļĄāļī.āļĒ. 2010 · Pan Macmillan
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'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me...'
Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost 1.5 million people follow Mr Halpernâs philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is âlike Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hairâ; and this is the sort of shit he says...
âYou know, sometimes itâs nice having you around. But now ainât one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, weâre not watching this bullshit.â
âHappy Birthday, I didnât get you a present... Oh, mom got you one? Well, thatâs from me then, too â unless itâs shitty.â
âYour brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldnât stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.â
âThe worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.â
âWhy the f**k would I want to live to 100? Iâm 73 and shitâs starting to get boring. By the way, thereâs no money left when I go, just fyi.â
Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost 1.5 million people follow Mr Halpernâs philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is âlike Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hairâ; and this is the sort of shit he says...
âYou know, sometimes itâs nice having you around. But now ainât one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, weâre not watching this bullshit.â
âHappy Birthday, I didnât get you a present... Oh, mom got you one? Well, thatâs from me then, too â unless itâs shitty.â
âYour brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldnât stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.â
âThe worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.â
âWhy the f**k would I want to live to 100? Iâm 73 and shitâs starting to get boring. By the way, thereâs no money left when I go, just fyi.â
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Justin Halpern is a screenwriter who has worked in both web, film and television. In late 2007, he was hired to start the comedy website holytaco.com, which, when he left in May of 2009, averaged more than 2 million visitors per month. He is currently developing a television show with CBS based on 'Shit My Dad Says', the Twitter feed which now has 1.4million followers. He is also 29 years old, and still living at home with his dad . . .
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